Crying Out
Defending the tearing down of your integrity due to the feelings of others is a daunting task to navigate. But I’ve found there’s an unseen beauty in these moments, when we decide to spend intimate time in prayer with The Most High God to attain driving lesson.
In life, we’ll face numerous encounters where people will shrug off their mistreatment of you with the excuse of what they’re going through… and use it as covering to condone their behavior. And even when we’re aware of what others are going through… duality opens the door for us to still be exhausted with not being heard or seen all because someone is so consumed with self, that they believe humanity outside of their situation cease to exist.
But what if I told you that I’m learning in this intimate prayer time with God… that all of this discipleship. No matter what’s going on outside of me, God is still calling me to be who He wants me to be. God is grooming me through suffering to continue to serve whom He’s called me to serve. That’s why these moments in prayer are so imperative. I go to God and I share what I’m feeling in my heart, and ask Him to redirect what I’m to learn from these moments. I do not go to the person whom I feel hurt by first!
The first and very best thing I’ve learned and I’m practicing in this season of my life, is to come to God and be purely honest! Be as honest as David was in Psalms. That’s why they say David was a man after God‘s own heart because he shared his heart with God wholeheartedly.
Before I address anyone, I’ve cried out to God about the betrayal I’ve felt. I’ve cried out to God about how I’ve felt that people take advantage of my kindness. I’ve cried to God about feeling overlooked and not cared for. I’ve cried out to God about what is the point of being vulnerable… if no one’s listening. I’ve cried out to God about how people wrong me and don’t sincerely apologize. I’ve cried out!
What I love most about crying out… is God not only hears me, He also answers. Many of His answers come in the middle of the night when He calls me into prayer in the 3 AM and 4 AM hour. The Most High God’s character is filled with love as he doesn’t condemn people… He always condemns the sin. Then, He’ll often call the person who He allowed to suffer through it… to recognizes what principality is ruling over the human(s) you’re crying out to Him about. He humbles us by showing that He loves our offender as much as He loves us… because He loves all of us.
What I love is when God does something miraculous with what we’re crying out about. When He changes our heart about the person who caused the offense. When He calls us to the table to help Him do something about it.
At the Lord’s table, He’s been teaching me that I am being discipled in learning that feelings are not to be obeyed, they’re to be used to warn us that our heart is off-center. He’s teaching me that humans are obeying their feelings and hurting each other everywhere around the world. And because we’re in deep obedience to our feelings… and taught by our world that this is OK… there’s no reconciliation amongst us. There’s a deficit in genuine sincere apologies… which is creating bypass… and this is why so many of our relationships die while simultaneously creating more heartbreak and carnage.
So even for myself… I must recognize that God is setting the example for me by hearing my feelings first, then showing me where my heart is off-center. Then I have to listen and trust Him as He re-centers my heart… while simultaneously bringing me revelation on what He wants me to teach by example when I return to my offender.
But in order to do so, I have to find rest in Him FIRST… and let Him heal my feelings so that I can return to any human who has hurt me, in a loving manner, and with understanding of where they’re at… and meet them there.
We’re all responsible for ourselves, and that includes taking our wounds to God for healing, so we don’t bleed out on humans who don’t have the wherewithal to hold our individual feelings. Never forget what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said…
“Christianity has always insisted that the cross we bare proceeds the crown we wear.”