Mr. Steward is a marriage counselor who is a follower of Christ, and has become quite controversial due to his premarital final exam that you must pass for course completion. Interestingly enough, with 10 years of practice under his belt, Mr. Steward has a 100% success rate when it comes to couples he counseled staying married. He also admits that many couples fail his course because of how eye-opening the final exam is for them.
Mr. Steward has a two-tier exam. He stated that “oftentimes, out of the kindness of his heart he reimbursed the final session because couples don’t make it past the first tier of the exam that takes place between the two of them outside of the office. If they make it past the first tier of the exam, oftentimes the second tier of the exam applies too much pressure and I never see them again.”
When asked about the couples who pass the exam he said, “Those are the couples who actually want to be married.”
But what caught me by surprise was his statement after.
“I give the final exam on the first day of the marriage counseling course. If I see them at the next session and we make it through the second tier of the exam, I know they’re serious about the marriage. I know we’re not wasting each other‘s time and we can begin to discuss the tools needed to battle the enmity that will be between them for their lifespan.”
So of course I wanted to know what was on this two-tier final exam that many often fail.
He said sure.
But instead of telling me… he said he wanted me to take the test.
I replied, “But I’m not getting married right now nor do I have a mate with me.”
He responded, “That doesn’t matter… most people who get married don’t know that they’re not getting married… but they’ll still call it marriage.”
I shrugged and said, “Let’s do it!”
He said, normally he would ask the couple for their cell phones at the top of consultation. Since tier one of my exam is for men only, after meeting your mate, I would ask her to patiently wait in the lobby as me and you step inside my office for a one on one conversation.
Let’s begin…
He started verbally: “Are you a leader?”
I responded, “Yes.”
He rebutted, “Show me by uploading your previous year of bank statements, cell phone statements with text, and personal emails… to my steward scan machine and the results will tell us everything we need to know.”
I questioned why he needed all of this info. “Is this about money and if I can support her?”
He responded, “Not at all… Bank statements will tell me where your heart is. Where your heart is, your treasure is also. Phone statements tell me who’s in your life… as your potential life partners should know of, or learn of, everyone that has access to you. Emails tell me who you do business with, what type of business, and where.
My machine’s algorithm is designed to reveal where you’re flawed in leadership. But before I upload any of your information to the machine, you have to lead your fiancé to give me the exact same information that we’ll place in the machine together next session. If either of you refuse, you fail the exam.”
I immediately began to understand how serious Mr. Steward is about stewarding great marriage relationships. I could see how a man could back out of this type of transparency.
I asked Mr. Steward, “What types of things come up if the couple agrees to do so?”
His response: “My algorithm pulls out all types of things from bank statement items that may hint at credit card overspending, CashApp and Venmo exchanges in unhealthy lump sums to family members, exes, or friends overstepping boundaries, and binge eating habits via Uber Eats and DoorDash to share a few.
Emails and text can get interesting. But the couples that are willing to sit in transparency and have honest exchanges are the ones who want to be married. Once everyone’s truth is on the table, we can see if they have a strong enough foundation to build a marriage. Without foundation, the tools are nothing.”
See, the truth is… marriage doesn’t do anything to a human except expose them… their habits, their honesty, and their hidden flaws. Marriage has always been less about the ceremony and more about the stewardship. We can’t begin to deal with the faith side of it until we begin with the work side of it. Everything Mr. Steward asks for tells him what you’re already working with. And if couples aren’t willing to share what they’re working with what their daily lives actually look like… there’s no point in pretending marriage is waiting for them.
While Mr. Steward’s Exam is fictional, its weight is not. We live in a time where the seriousness of marriage is diluted, treated like a costume we can try on instead of a covenant we must commit to. Too many couples rush into marriage without a foundation, without truth, and without transparency. And then we wonder why the institution feels rocky.
But maybe the greater lesson of Mr. Steward’s Exam is if you’re unwilling to lay your life bare to your partner, you are not ready to build a life with them. Transparency is not exposure, it’s preparation. And without preparation, we are setting ourselves up to fail before the vows are even spoken.
Marriage will always demand accountability. The question is, are we willing to take the exam before life gives us one?
We’re all responsible for ourselves, and that includes the foundation we choose to build our marriages on.
What if Mr. Steward’s Exam isn’t as fictional as we’d like it to be? What if the real test of marriage is already running silently in the background of your life… through your habits, your heart, your relationships, and your ability to tell the truth?
Many of us crave the idea of marriage more than the responsibility of marriage. We rehearse the vows but skip the examination. We want the wedding but resist the exposure. But exposure is where covenant begins… because it’s not until you see all of me, and I see all of you, that we know what we are building on.
So here’s the question that cuts deeper than Mr. Steward’s algorithm ever could:
Would you still say “I do” if you saw the full report on the person across from you?
And… would they still say “I do” to you?
Because marriage isn’t about blending highlight reels… it’s about sharing the raw footage. The unedited parts… the unseen flaws… and daring to say: I will love you here too.
Would you be willing to take Mr. Steward’s exam? Let me know in the comments.